Why be bogged down by thoughts? I heard a speech tonight about how the brain literally programs itself to feel the way that you think. It sounds like common sense but it goes further than that. It makes it to where you become that feeling, that feeling of sorrow, sadness, or pity. I don’t want to become that. From now on I will look back on that part of my life as a wonderful experience because that is what it was. I will also make myself realize that I do have things to look forward in my life and that was just a taste of the happiness I will experience. I should be excited for what’s ahead of me not sad for what I’m not in now.
I also need to work on myself again. I need to work on my image and care about what I look like and who I am on the inside. I do truly believe I am a wonderful person I just don’t let anyone see it. I need to work on my confidence again. I am a catch. I need to work on my security again. I am completely fine by myself, in fact, I don’t have time for anyone else so this is the perfect situation. I am going to write post it notes and tell myself that because it’s true. I am strong.
There is good hope for mom now but that is the one place I’m lacking. I think I just shun it off bc I have in the past accepted the events and have almost cut her out already but there’s hope now. If she can get this waiver then she can get the surgery and get well. There’s a lot of crap to do after that but one thing at a time. I don’t want to get too optimistic, for this isn’t not getting the Christmas present you wanted, this is losing my mother. I need to stay real and grounded because if anything happens I need to be the one that has it in control because if not, who will?
But yea, I’m going into tomorrow with a new outlook. I am excited for the future and learn from the past and am no longer angry and upset by actions that happened because all in all I wouldn’t be the person I am today if they hadn’t happened. Sometimes I think I need a therapist but I don’t have time or money for one. But I think I’m on the right track now.
Now I write my sticky notes.
