For the last couple of weeks I had a lot of fun but for the last couple of weeks I had no grounding. I didn’t have any consistency and whenever I thought there was something there, as soon as I started to trust it, it was pulled away. I like a schedule, I like to consistently know what is ahead and I hate having to read people’s minds.
Last Monday when I went on a run, I realized that for the first time I was glad to be away from him. That it was a good decision, I have no regrets, and I can be me and be happy without his presence. This eye opening event allowed me to assess what I wanted, not what seemed to be what I should do. Leaving the past in the past made the window squeaky clean.
With no more baggage, I made reassessed the people in my life. I reconnected with some and am cleaning house with others. I am keeping the people in my life that make me laugh, that make me a better person, and that I can trust instead of having to guess their next action.
I am very happy now and feel settled, I feel consistent, I feel grounded in the people who I have surrounded myself with. I have 3 of the best girl friends in the world, one is far far away but still right next to my heart, the other two are right beside me, giggling about boys, and “putting puppies in bicycle baskets.” (inside joke) I have the right to make my own choices now, to leave it all behind, because the hurt is gone now, for I am rejuvenated and ready to have a new outlook on the world.
It’s not bad if it’s not what you’re used to, it’s just different, and different can be a good thing. A new feel, a new touch, new inside jokes. More than one person can make my eyes smile, but to me, there’s nothing better to see those eyes smiling right back at you.
