Some Good, Some Bad

As I sit here staring out the window on a rainy day, I ponder the last week of my life. So the past couple of days has turned my life 360. I have learned from people, learned about myself, and it’s time to write about them. I’ll start with a good and end with a good, because I believe in being positive about the world around you.

The Good

I found out I’m going to Canada again to row in the Canadian Henley, the regatta a raced at last year. The thing is that this years trip will be profoundly different, for I will be coxing guys, not girls, for the first time in my life. I have had 3 practices with them and am really excited because one thing you cannot coach is fight and these guys have fight. I know you probably don’t know the meaning of what I am about to say but just go with it. To day we were racing a 1000m piece, about 3 minutes long. About the 650m mark we caught a crab (where an oar gets stuck in the water against the side of the boat, causing the boat to suddenly stop), we were a boatlength ahead at the time of the crab and when we picked it back up were 6 seats down off the the boat beside us. Most crews, seeing as we had about 300m left in the race and were so far down would have just rowed the piece out and been okay with the loss. But these guys weren’t gonna let that happen, they picked it back up with 120% and not only won the piece, but won it with a 6 seat advantage in 300m. That’s the kind of fight I wish my girls at Texas had. Sadly to say, I don’t think I could pick 8 girls that would sacrafice all like that just for a practice piece. That’s why I like rowing in the summers, it makes me realize why I love the sport, why I wake up at the crack of dawn, because the feeling of coming back the feeling of utter immasculation of the other team is awwwesome. Lets just say I’m excited to work with these guys and I don’t care if we win or not, if they give me that much of their heart, I’ll pour mine right back at em, with a few new cuss words added in of course…

The Bad

So I have been living very meagerly for this entire summer, only buying what I have to, eating in, and saving my money. I was right on track to have all August bills paid for, and have some to save into the school year. But something always comes up to ruin that. This time my insurance company decided not to take out last month’s portion so they’re taking it out double this month and I don’t know what day. The problem with that is that I also have rent, water, and another insurance premium of my new insurance company since these guys keeping upping my premium. I would cancel this months payment but the new insurance hasn’t approved me yet, but to apply you have to pay the premium, but once you are approved it goes towards your first month’s premium, so in the long run, it’ll sort of save me a month of insurance payment. Everything just snowballs at once, literally when it rains, it pours. Thanks to this crap I have $4 to last me till we get paid, which will probably be Monday. Thank goodness I have a paid down credit card in case I need anything…

The Good

My good friend and ex came to visit this weekend, I think it went pretty well. We are really good friends now and for the first time we did not show any sexual tension or attachment to each other both publicly or privately. We slept in the same bed and did not look touch, or get near each other. It is possible to move on, because I have absolutely no feelings for him as a boyfriend anymore and it’s so nice. This was a true test and I passed with flying colors. According to his facebook status, “Never in my life did I feel more alone than when you stood there, close enough that I could reach out and touch you but far enough to know that I never could.” Maybe he had a harder time than I did, but I am a okay. Woo!

The Bad

Then there’s this other guy, he’s so sweet, so nice, really a gentleman. The thing is that I don’t feel like we have chemistry. I like hanging out with him, he makes me laugh, he gets me ice cream, but I just don’t see much in our future, and it’s not his fault. The problem is that I can’t get up the guts to tell him. I have been hinting the past couple of dates but I just can’t hurt him, he’s too nice, and has done nothing wrong. I also feel that if I told him he wouldn’t want to hang out anymore which would suck because I have fun with him. Grr… I need to grow some balls.

The Good

With the death of Michael Jackson, along with half of the world, I downloaded the Essentials of Michael Jackson, all of his greatest hits. Many of them I knew very well or was familiar with. One song, his most famous song, I had never even heard of though, “Man in the Mirror.” I LOVE THIS SONG. Not only does it have an awesome beat, but the meaning is also awesome. The change has to start with you. For the past couple of days I have tried to figure out what I would want to change about me to become a better person. The first couple of days I realized that I am extremely happy with who I am right now. I am who I want to be, I don’t want to change anything. I felt bad about saying that though because it’s almost like an art project, if I’m done at the age of 20, what do I have to look forward to? So I started to delve deeper to find out what I did want to change, even little things.

1. Concerning myself, I don’t want to take things so personally.

2. I want to exercise my creativeness more often, sometimes I feel like I’m losing it.

3. I want to learn how to have fun with myself again.

4. I want to listen to others more.

5. I want to learn how to remember peoples names.

Those are my 5 little things for the rest of 2009 that I want to work on. With the first half of the year ending today, my 2nd half of the year resolutions are set. I think I’m going to do something creative to write them down and post them up somewhere so I see them everyday I wake up.

Have a wonderful rainy day! And i mean that, I love the rain. And on the bright side, at least it’s not 104 today.

Man In The Mirror lyrics

Ooh ooh ooh aah
Gotta make a change
For once in my life
It’s gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right

As I turned up the collar on
A favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin’ my mind
I see the kids in the street
With not enough to eat
Who am I to be blind
Pretending not to see their needs

A summer’s disregard
A broken bottle top
And a one man’s soul
They follow each other
On the wind ya’ know
‘Cause they got nowhere to go
That’s why I want you to know

I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change, yey
Na na na, na na na, na na na na oh ho

I’ve been a victim of
A selfish kinda love
It’s time that I realize
There are some with no home
Not a nickel to loan
Could it be really pretending that they’re not alone

A willow deeply scarred
Somebody’s broken heart
And a washed out dream
(Washed out dream)
They follow the pattern of the wind ya’ see
‘Cause they got no place to be
That’s why I’m starting with me

I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change

I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make that change

I’m starting with the man in the mirror
(Man in the mirror, oh yeah)
I’m asking him to change his ways, yeah
(Change)
No message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make the change
You gotta get it right, while you got the time
‘Cause when you close your heart
(You can’t close your, your mind)
Then you close your mind

(That man, that man, that man)
(That man, that man, that man)
(With the man in the mirror, oh yeah)
(That man you know, that man you know)
(That man you know, that man you know)
I’m asking him to change his ways
(Change)
No message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself then make that change

(Na na na, na na na, na na na na)
Ooh
Oh yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
(Na na na, na na na, na na na na)

Oh no
Oh no, I’m gonna make a change
It’s gonna feel real good
Sure mon
(Change)
Just lift yourself
You know, you got to stop it yourself
(Yeah)
Oh
Make that change
(I gotta make that change today, oh)
(Man in the mirror)
You got to, you got to not let yourself, brother oh
Yeah
You know that
(Make that change)
(I gotta make that make me then make)
You got, you got to move
Sure mon, sure mon
You got to
(Stand up, stand up, stand up)
Make that change
Stand up and lift yourself, now
(Man in the mirror)
Make that change
(Gonna make that change, sure mon)
(Man in the mirror)
You know it, you know it, you know it, you know
(Change)
Make that change